Knowing yourself and all your quirks is an important part of living a fulfilled life.
My mom brought up an interesting point about me today. Despite always having a strong inner urge to explore and to learn and experience new things, I also have a very tender heart which needs the affection of my loved ones to feel complete. And therefore, thinking I can have one without the other and still create a full, content life is foolish. I need both!
In each of my several extended stints away from home (Italy for a year, Israel for several months, Italy again for a few months, and now Central America), I always reach a point where I’m reminded just how much I love my family and my friends, and just how much it means to me to feel their love. Sometimes this happens sooner rather than later… Which has already been the case now. I started having a homesick moment where I really missed my dog, togetherness with my ex-boyfriend/whatever he is now (long story – I’m bad at clean breakups remember?), and chilling on my parents’ couch with the hectic busy-ness that inevitably accompanies a large family like ours. It’s the little things that can really pull you toward home.
I’m realizing, though, that yes I do need to feel the love of those most dear to me, but that doesn’t mean I have to physically be with them. In today’s technological pervasive age, I can find ways to swap the love. And then once that happens, I can continue living life day by day and learning as much as I can, and my loved ones back home can still know I’m here for them just as they’re here for me.
Best friends, never apart. Maybe in distance, never in heart.
I also know that there are times when I need to feel joy, and wonder, and giddiness! It’s hard for my emotions to fully release when I’m with others (especially dozens of new “others” who’ve yet to see me without walls), so therefore I need to find comfort alone.
I’m currently sitting in an air-conditioned auditorium in the bottom level of San Jose’s Museo de Oro below Plaza de la Cultura. Simply being in this museum filled with ancient Central American artifacts, a full art gallery of Lola Fernandez, and a big exhibit on cats (fuck yeah for cats!), I feel joy. I feel content and I feel like Robin. Really back to the Robin I am deep down, without the pressure of fitting into farm life, or the confliction of trying to figure ME out and what’s next… Just me. Relaxed. Open. Confident. Content.
In any city, if there’s a museum and an extra few hours, sign me up. Stepping away from the hustle and bustle and into a calm, quiet home for learning definitely revives me. Art. History. Textiles. Anything!
So, I’m glad I’m here. And I’m glad I’m taking my time.
Day by day. Breathe it all in, and love it all out.