Finding home…

A lot has happened since I last posted… I flew to Texas, stayed with my sister and then an old roommate for a few days, went on a Caribbean cruise to Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel, roadtripped north with my family and stayed in Tennessee for a few nights, and then made it back to Michigan and picked up my puppy and checked in on my cats. Then… nothing really happened.

I decided I still really didn’t know where I wanted to go or what exactly I wanted to do. I kept waiting for some grand idea to present itself to me, and although many options were good, nothing felt fully right. I did some odd outside jobs in below-freezing weather at my parents place (sleet and snow days in April… this is Michigan…), slept in my childhood bed, ran my dog, learned how to drive a stick shift, started updating my resume, signed up for some freelance writing sites… I did so many random things just waiting for a sign or a pull from within.

Then, while shoveling chicken shit (literally), I had a mini breakdown and collapsed on the frozen earth outside the henhouse. I laughed and cried and looked at Jax and said aloud, “It’s all cyclical, Jax! Everything! I’m a mess and I’m flighty but THIS is exactly how I am when things are great or when things are shitty — everything is just fine and I’ll be smiling again soon!” I laid there on the ground and laughed, dismissing the nervousness and anxiety that had been building inside of me for weeks. I realized yet again that everything, at any given point, really is just fine.

The next day, in a burst of caffeine-fueled excitement and unwillingness to polish above-mentioned resume, I got in the car and drove to my best friend’s house near Detroit. I had to see her — I had to see a familiar face that wasn’t needing grandiose tales from Central America (although there are plenty) or asking me countless times just what comes next.

After a few long, warm hugs, Annie and Didi (her roommate) and I went to yoga. What happened in this class was remarkable — I felt at home. I surrendered to the moment and felt so much love and light and comfort.

At the end of the class while closing in Savasana, I started to weep. I held my best friend’s hand and cried — tears of joy and peace and love! I looked over and she was crying, too. I was sharing this beautiful moment with a person I love so much, who loves me without demand or expectation, just love.

That night, I decided to focus my efforts on getting a job in her area and hopefully sharing a home with her and Didi. Would it be tight? Yes. Would it be a bit silly having three girls and a dog in a 1.5-bedroom apartment? Yes. Did it matter to me? No. I want to surround myself with love and freedom and have welcoming hearts fill the space I rest my head each night.

So, about 10 days later, here I am… Sitting on Annie’s bed, ready to leave for my first job interview since returning home.

I feel right and good and content.

Everything really is just fine.

And I’m not quite sure what comes next, but that’s just fine, too.

3 thoughts on “Finding home…

  1. You are an awesome, inspiring young lady, and your family loves you so much!! You will do great in whatever path you decide on!! Oh yeah, I bought a yoga book and will let you know where I go with it:) Love ya, Aunt Kelly

  2. Every me I read your posts I get goose bumps, I get vivid pictures in my mind from your words and feel so connected to your journey… Thank you for sharing it in such a beautiful way. Your plan sounds delightful and wonderful and just right… props. You are right where you need to be xo peace

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