the rise of you again [poem]

a new old light in my smile
why
was it the kiss of the man I was meant to
be with
who I kissed almost first, and who I’d love to 
kiss last
the strangeness in our mouths, a welcome home to
our bodies
perhaps it’s when we stop performing proving and decide 
on settling
into the sweetness of a human life, without pushing back at who
we were
all along he was him leaning into life his way, and still there is so much
I don’t know
and there was I was, over there, and there, and there, and here, and there, never 
stopping long 
and maybe now I hear a gentle letting go in knowing not all this life can or should be lived in
this moment
it’s perfect to accept what is, what isn’t, what comes, and what must go because not every little thing
can be
what would I sacrifice, asked the wanderer to me, for the chance to let love be sewn onto my soul for a long while
everything
I know as I let it rest, which isn’t really rest at all because in this mind and life of no casual affair at all, I cannot let it rest when
it must be
I know that my heart my body and my spirit longs for a long adventure into quiet expectations giving and receiving for once without demand
lay with me
a while upon this frozen earth under those red oaks and beech holding onto leaves beside a small hemlock poking through the pines near the flowing river
and let us see
what comes in this life wherein we’ve circled round each other time and time and time again never ever saying goodbye with fire in our eyes and anger in our bones
because love is
and kindness comes and comes, continues to come and ravage my soul as it always does yours and fingernails on flesh and mouths on necks and breasts in your hands and mine
being held by you
is the most
exciting 
thing
I
know